Alright with one week officially in the books everyone has been put on notice. This was a very interesting past week. Lot of important days came and went, some more important than others but i guess thats all objective. To some people some days really don’t matter to them. Sad, very sad…some things. Oh well whats in the past is in the past and we can only look forward from here on out and hope to correct our pasts mistakes. There has been a massive shakeup in this weeks rankings that may leave some people hurt. But thats not my decision to make, a committee has put together these rankings to avoid any bias. Anyway lets get into it….

OKAY OKAY OKAY, After a change of heart from activities that have Happened over the past few days i would like to Re-rite what i initially had planned. So now HERE are the real rankings for week 1. GET your tissues ready because there are some SHOCKING TWISTS.

12. SCOTT MARTIN

Just when you think you know a guy. I had such high hopes for Scott. I really thought he would move up after the Pre-Season Rankings. BUT NO! Scott is clearly a slimy, smelly, small, limp dicked teammate. Im not sure where his heart it….or maybe now i do. Before Friday night i thought Scott may move up into the top 5. He showed so much love and dedication to this team when he Sang Thursday Night at Karaoke. I guess it was all just an act in the end. Just trying to cover up dark and dirty secrets right in front of our handsome faces….

Overall Score 1.01/20

11. Sam Baro

You know I think this is a fair and just ranking. Sam Clearly only cares about one thing…and thats dogs. It all started to add up to after recounting these past few weeks and months. I remember one cold winter night Scott was on all fours barking like a Dog. Thats where the puzzle pieces started to form. Then a few weeks ago I saw Scott drinking his Bud Light out of a DOG Bowl:

Then that SAME night Scott was caught Eating Dog Food. Thats when it clicked for me. Scott has been imitating a Dog this whole time to Win Sams Heart…..well played Scooter.

Overall Score 1 Gold Star out of 6 Stars.

10. Cheese Man?

it only seems fitting that Sam is sandwiched right in between Scott and Dave Morta. She has past relationships with both of them. Dave showed up to Karaoke last Thursday which was a huge Surprise to even me. It brought a tear to my eye. Even though he didnt sing he still showed up Looking FUCKING SWOLE. And thats all that matters in the end.

Max Bench Press: 405 Lbs

9. Jackie

This is probably one of the bigger shockers on the List. But i have recently found out that Jackie has actually been to ZERO trivia matches. I guess i was wrong when i thought she was there earlier, must have been in a dream of mine. Even still i feel wrong having her ranked so low when i know in my heart she could be higher. Just come to ONE match Jackie and im sure the committee will have you Ranked Higher in The Future.

Overall Score:9.9/10

8. Kelce Hultz.

Kecle has Officially Dropped out of my Top 3 favorite Hultz’s. The Official Hultz Rankings are

1.Brian A Hultz. 2. Brandon Hultz 3. Donna Hultz 4.Kurt Hultz 5. Kelce Hultz 6.Kyle

Sorry someones gotta be last I hope nobodys feelings are hurt by this. And if your feeling are hurt you can kiss my fat juicy ass. Kelce was nowhere to be found on Thursday, She says she was with Donna A. Hultz…Listen if i were me Id rather hang out with me than Donna. Kelce also tried to bully me during Chameleon which is mean. Shes lucky O-Daddy showed up or else she would be much lower on this list

Overall Score : O-Daddy > Kelce A Hultz 4/10

7. Rachael Garritano

This is where it gets hard for me in these rankings. Rachael was there on thursday but she didnt even Sing to me. Word on the street is that while i was in the bathroom Cori was giving her “the look” and they made a quick move toward the exit leaving nothing behind but a Damp Barstool.

Overall Score :6.6/9/99

6. Kristopher A. Joseph Dick

This one really hurts. This past week Cj was basically dead to me and somewhat the world. We all know i value reliability over anything. Kris showed that he would much rather pop a titty in his mouth than be there for the most important day of the year. He didnt even respond with a titty pick when i tried to check in for the 3rd time to see if he was okay.

“I dont think we will ever see Kris again, that guy has changed man. Ever since he got a titty in his mouth he hasnt been the same. I also heard he may have gotten a Tramp Stamp”

-Anonymous Source

Overall Score : 8.8/9

5. Cori Garritano

Cori had a strong showing this week. EVen though he left early on thursday, he brought cheeseman with him and even gave me a kiss on the cheek. The kiss was extra special because he had a bunch of rachels lipstick on so when he kissed me it left a lipstick mark on me. That was a real confidence booster for me. I showed that thing off all night and could feel the envy of everyone around me.

Overall Score : 5.5/12

4. Nicki baro

Nikki is my best friend in the whole world. I do not have anything bad to say about her. She has such good breath and she walks upright like a normal person should. She is very good at remembering to shave her mustache every morning before she goes to work. I cant wait to see her walk down the Isle one day, I just know it will bring a tear to my eye Only because I know she is marrying someone that is so clearly out of her league, good for you girl

Overall Score: 3.9/10

3. Baker Joseph Dickinson

WHAT A WEEK FOR THIS GUY. 2021 AM I RIGHT?!?!?! First off Thursday he killed it at Karaoke, Friday night he killed it at Chameleon (obviously) and climbed a V4+ before with Jamie. AND LETS NOT FORGET ABOUT SATURDAY 😉 am i right!?!! This guy crushed it all around, love him i really do. I feel like this week there was a 3 way tie for first.

Overall Score: 10/10

#2. Patty A. F. baby

Patty had an extremely strong showing this whole week, which is not surprising at all to me. Patty hasnt had a down week the past 2 years, mostly likely longer. The only thing holding patty back at the #1 spot is that he still doesnt have a car. He did Get his good Pal his favorite drink for his birthday which is very caring and Swaggy of him to do. I dont ever see Patty dropping out of the top Three in the foreseeable future.

Over Score : 0/1 cars

#1 KiKi Hurley

What a showing From someone who didnt even show up this whole week. Kiki Spend this whole week in another state but you wouldnt be able to tell that from how much happiness she contributed to me. First off she got me my favorite thing for my birthday (CASH) second on Saturday night she answered me very quickly on what to do while out on my date. CAME in very clutch. But the thing that set her over the top this week was her performance on Sunday….

See image above for the reason she took the #1 spot, takes notes ladies and gentlemen. Ask yourself are you willing to PEG to get to the Top?!?! if not you need to look yourself in the mirror ask if you really belong here

Overall Score :12/12